I’m writing commission for Sheffield University’s ‘Hidden Perspectives’ event, which focusses on sexuality, gender and the Bible, intersecting issues relating to identity, diversity and representation. Challenging mainstream interpretations of the bible is a sticky and delicate area. I’m approaching it emotionally rather than overtly politically although the personal is political as far as I’m concerned). These are early notes, but if I put them on the internet if forced me to edit myself seriously and without mercy!
Take a rib if you like.
I have been standing to attention while time saunters past.
I make eyes at it, proestrus and yearning for company.
I say to the trees, to the wet wind and the sky
‘I am meant to be touched, you know.’
My flesh is bruised with the nothing of it.
Chewy and necrotized because the blood
never rushes hopefully up to the surface of it,
I found out all these things.
Casting around in the back yard for any meaning,
Enlightenment, a sinkhole in my chest full of facts and many things-
Flotsam, broken toys and crockery, space debris.
It ruminates in my chest, lumpy and unrefined you see,
without tactility to clarify it.
If I had a the surety of skin on skin,
The warranty that mine exists to hold the other stuff in,
I could make use of knowing.
But my heart is sore,
and my dirty bones are showing.
So take a rib if you like,
and bring me something to hold.
I’ll snap it off myself.
Fingers groping under sticky gristle for it
with my eyes squeezed shut,
they sting with the promise of someone to talk to.
Loneliness makes you do the strangest things.